King Dephelus of Opthalia had never been insulted the way he had been today. Being called a ‘warthog’ was beyond what he could tolerate. He was going to wage war on his brother. War between brothers generally turns out to be a rather nasty affair — what with all the melodrama involved, but he was left with no option. He took the last slice of apple in front of him, chewed it with anger, though the apple had never in its short lifespan, colluded with his brother in any way whatsoever. He swallowed it, and proceeded to meet with his smart minister — none other than Pithicus
Pithicus was going through the 15th volume of the “Great Book of Unverifiable Facts”, and was wondering — how he had only come upon one type of rat, while there existed, as per the great book — 97 species, when he was interrupted by the mighty king. “Pithicus!” — the King roared, repenting the same afterwards, as his tobacco infested lungs protested this over-exertion, by causing him to cough so violently as to tip the royal jug, which had rested delicately over the corner stool for a good part of the last one decade. This did divert the attention of the great King momentarily, but he soon regained his focus, and rushed into his wise minister’s room, causing Pithicus to perform the following actions, in the order specified:
- Stumble while getting up.
- Drop the Great Book of Unverifiable Facts down.
- Bring about an artificial smile on his face.
- Lift up the Great Book… and place it in the table next to him.
- Wish the King in.
“We need to wage war on my brother” — the King said. “He has insulted me beyond what I can tolerate”.
“Go ahead — in fact I think you should not just wage war on him, but cut his head off once the war is over”, Pithicus opined with such confidence, that the King was taken aback.
“Pithicus! Isn’t that going too far? I mean, he is my brother. We used to chase squirrels when we were kids, and we even managed to catch one, which to our disappointment, turned out to be a rat later…”, the King rambled on, trying to assert that may be he still cared for his brother.
“’Rat — did you say, my liege? Did it have stripes on it?”, Pithicus quizzed with sudden excitement creeping into his voice, which elicited a few random ‘caws’ from a crow or two in the vicinity. You see, when excitement blends into Pithicus’s voice, it tends to induce a certain amount of shrillness into it, which has been known to give solitary crows in the vicinity, definitive hope of finding one of their own kind.
“I don’t remember. But why do you ask?” the King quizzed back.
“Please try to remember my lord, as this could be of great significance to your empire, as I just read in the Great Book of Unverifiable Facts that there are 97 species of rats, of which I have seen just the usual gray type in our kingdom. This could mean that we have a biological treasure here, assuming of course, that the rat you saw in your youth managed to multiply, and the species sustained itself and…”, Pithicus rambled on, until he was interrupted by the mighty King, whose current demeanor did not seem to suggest, that he was mighty in any sense.
“Stop with this rat exposition Pithicus; we are discussing a major decision here. Frankly, I don’t think we should go as far as to behead my brother. I just need to teach him a lesson, so that he stays within his limits. I want to defeat him in battle, and bring him down on his knees.” the King said, feeling sure of himself.
“But my liege, I do not think that is possible, as your brother has been suffering from a severe pain in his knees for a long time now, and it would be very impolite to ask him to kneel down”, the smart minister pointed out.
“Well at least, I can deal him a defeat — that should humiliate him, right? right?”, the King asked, with a certain degree of doubt creeping into his tone now.
“My lord, while that would indeed deal him the humiliation that you allude to, it would require that we win the war, the probability of which, is as low as finding more than three species of rats in our land”, Pithicus advised, with wisdom beginning to emit a halo behind his head.
This managed to unsettle the King more than a bit, as it dawned upon him, that his kingdom was one-tenth the size of his brother’s. The halo behind his minister’s head was also attenuating this feeling.
“Well, setting aside the issue of, ahem…, what the outcome of a war between us would be, he is my brother after all, and isn’t a brother entitled to addressing his sibling as a ‘warthog’ every now and then? Isn’t that a forgivable, or rather acceptable thing Pithicus?”, Dephelus responded, feeling sure now that his minister would back him up.
“You are right as always my lord. I anticipated that the forgiving nature in you would supersede the anger that was brimming till a few moments ago. Anything else my great King?”, Pithicus asked, hoping that the King would get back to counting his snails, or sheep, or whatever else he counted, when he had nothing else to do, which was pretty much all the time.
“I will take leave now. You always manage to douse my anger whenever I go over-board. ” the King affirmed, and took leave.
And thus, the great kingdom of Opthalia was saved once again, from utter doom — if one ignored the fact that it already was in perpetual doom, by virtue of being flanked in the east and west by two volcanoes, both of which had rather sinister ideas for Opthalia, but had not yet acted upon them, for reasons that no one yet knows, or perhaps, wise old Pithicus does…
